Candy Gram

Now, normally, I don’t like to start conversations with Overshare unless they’re work related. I figure I get enough of the oversharing without having to coach it along, but sometimes things happen that just can’t be ignored.

One day, Overshare walked by my office wearing something that forced me to call out to her.

Anonymous: Hey, Overshare? What are you wearing on your hand?
Overshare: Oh, this? CTF gave it to me.
Anonymous: Isn’t that a Ring Pop?
Overshare: Sure is.
Anonymous: Haven’t seen one of those since at least sixth grade.
Overshare: Yeah, isn’t it awesome? CTF came to lunch today and brought it with him. And he made this whole big show of getting down on one knee in the middle of the restaurant, and I totally started to freak out, but then he brought out the Ring Pop and asked me to be his lunch partner. When I said yes everyone clapped. Isn’t that so sweet? And it’s totally my favorite flavor, too. [Sucks on the Ring Pop.]

Does anyone else doubt the veracity of the “everyone clapped” statement? If I’m in a restaurant and see some idiot get down on one knee, give a girl a Ring Pop and ask to be her lunch partner, I’m much more likely to give a great big eye-roll than a round of applause. But maybe that’s just me.

Anonymous: So, are you guys back together?
Overshare: Oh, no. He asked though.
Anonymous, incredulously: And you said no??

Now, I am not incredulous at this information because I think she should date the Felon, oh no. It’s more because she’s made such a big friggin’ deal about CTF and Swedish Nanny that I would have thought she’d jump all over the chance to lock him down. Apparently not, though.

Overshare: Oh, Anonymous… please. Of course I’m gonna make him sweat!
Anonymous: Of course.
Overshare: Let him think that he's stuck with Smothering Swedish Nanny! That way, he'll be much more appreciative when I finally say yes.