Just Drink Vodka, You'll Be Fine

Overshare: I totally met this guy last night.
Anonymous: Where?
Overshare: Oh, at a bar.
Anonymous: Of course.
Overshare: He was SOOOOOO cute, Anonymous.
Anonymous: I'm sure he was.
Overshare: Like, sex on the first date cute.
Anonymous: Is that really a category?
Overshare: Huh?
Anonymous: Never mind.
Overshare: Yeah, but I totally screwed it up.
Anonymous: How is that?
Overshare: Well, when he first approached, I was finishing my beer and didn't get a chance to take a really good look at him.
Anonymous: I thought he was sex on the first date cute.
Overshare: Oh, he definitely is… I just didn't really look at him until after we had started talking.
Anonymous: Okaaaayy….
Overshare: Yeah.
Anonymous: I'm sorry—you're going to have to explain how you screwed it up.
Overshare: Well, since I didn't realize how cute he was at first, I totally gave him my bar name!

Bar Name? Check it out: Urban Dictionary. Who knew?

Anonymous: You have a fake bar name?
Overshare: Yeah, of course!
Anonymous: Of course.
Overshare: So I totally spent all night talking to this hottie, and the whole time he thought my name was Aksana!

All Points Bulletin: Overshare in no way looks Russian. Or any kind of Eastern European, for that matter.

I could barely contain myself at this point. My steely resolve nearly cracked under the pressure of this little tidbit of information.

Anonymous, voice squeaking from holding in a laugh: Aksana?
Overshare: Yeah. It's exotic.

Personally, I think Areola Boobitch is much more appropriate.

Anonymous: It sure is.
Overshare: So the real question is: do you think I can get away with it?
Anonymous: With what?
Overshare: We're going out tonight-- do you think I can pull off the Aksana personality for that long?
Anonymous, completely lying: Oh, most definitely.