Lunch Stalker
One of the unfortunate ramifications of Witty Comeback being offered such a fabulous job in a far away location is that Overshare has decided I need a new lunch friend. And of course, she knows the perfect person to fill the job: her.
This shocks no one, I know.
But her version of becoming my lunch buddy doesn't just include her stopping by my office every day asking when I'm planning on going to lunch that day, or scoping out the local paper for new places to eat, or even hounding me on her way out the door to eat about joining her. Oh no.
She has now taken to waiting for me to leave the office, and then quickly following me out and feigning surprise at running into me in the food court.
I was sitting at a table outside one day, reading a very interesting book when Overshare approached to start her daily campaigning. I tried to look irritated, to no avail. I tried talking about how good this book is; the hint sailed right on by. She sat down and started talking. I finally just put the book away and stared at my plate while she droned on.
Overshare: Man, it's bright out here. Wanna go inside?
Anonymous: No. I want to eat here. You can go in if you want, though.
Overshare: Oh no, I adore the sun.
Anonymous: Even when it's bright?
Overshare: Well, it wouldn't be so bad if I had my sunglasses.
Anonymous: [Silently picks at food.]
Overshare: Yeah, I really wish I had my sunglasses.
Anonymous: [Silence.]
Overshare: Definitely a sunglasses day.
Anonymous: Hmm.
Clearly, Overshare wanted me to ask where her sunglasses could possibly be.
Overshare: Guess I should buy a new pair since CTF doesn't seem to be giving mine back any time soon.
Guess I was going to have to ask.
Anonymous: Why does CTF have your sunglasses?
Overshare: Oh, well... he was drunk at a bar one night and started mouthing off to this big burly guy and ended up getting the crap beat out of him.
Anonymous: And so he needed your sunglasses why?
Overshare: He's got two hideous black eyes. He's been wearing the sunglasses all week because he worries that two black eyes makes him look like a sissy.
Oh, well that's cleary taken care of when one wears something akin to these. Not sissy at all.
posted by Anonymous Coworker @ 7:14 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Yeah, girls sunglasses really make you look macho. Seriously. I was worried about my husband fitting in with the other guys at the office, so I got him a pair of rhinestone-encrusted Chanel knock-offs. Now everyone at the office loves him.*
*Story may not be true.
You should use the cell phone trick. You act like you're talking on your cell on the way out, and when she starts to approach, you pretend you're talking to somone that has the problem you have. For example, you would say/ask, "and she doesn't stop following you!?!?!? oh my word. Why don't you just tell her you want to eat lunch alone? I definately feel for you because i LOVE EATING LUNCH ALONE!"...Then look at her and tell the imaginary person on the phone you need to call them back.
Remember to put your phone on silent.
I did it while at a bus stop as a Jehova's witness was on the way to save me. "You love SATAN TOO!?".
"Remember to put your phone on silent."
lol. I always hate it when I'm having a fake phone conversation and then the phone actually rings!
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