The Gift That Keeps On Giving

My aunt once bought me a chalkboard that was shaped as a pig for my birthday. It was kind of like this, but not as classy. Have I mentioned that I was 16 at the time, and in no way had expressed any special interest in pigs? And the best part: the chalk wouldn't actually write on the pig.

Random gift giving can be the source of so much hilarity. Thanks, Auntie. I sure hope you didn’t spend $22 bucks on mine.

After it became apparent that Swedish Nanny would not only be leaving the country in short order but was also of the smothering girlfriend variety, CTF began showering Overshare with gifts.

Overshare: Hey! Look what CTF bought for me!

She was holding up a cage, of sorts… more like a clear plastic box filled with sand.

Anonymous: Sand?
Overshare: Don’t be stupid, why would he buy me sand?
Anonymous: What is it then?
Overshare, gleefully: A hermit crab!!

I seriously considered inserting a “CTF gave Overshare crabs” joke here, but it just seemed too easy.

Anonymous: Why?
Overshare: Why not?

That’s a good question—why wouldn’t a felon bouncer buy his non-girlfriend a hermit crab?

Overshare: He was so cute about it too—I was in the grocery store and he stayed in the car, but when I came back out with the beer, he had this!! Isn’t he adorable?
Anonymous: Sure.
Overshare: And then CTF gave me these puppy dog eyes and said ‘I guess I just really want to be a dad.’

Funny—I could have sworn he was.

Overshare: He’s kind of a deadbeat dad, though.
Anonymous, unable to resist: Didn’t we know that already?
Overshare, sarcastically: Oh, you're just sooo hysterical, aren't you?

I think I am, at least.