When The Cat's Away...
After the parking-lot-sex breakup, you may be shocked to learn that things between Overshare and CTF didn't really change that much. Along with every other unfortunate soul in my office, I was still regaled with stories of The Felon and his numerous "qualities" for several weeks. And then one Monday morning, Overshare started receiving flowers.
Lots of them.
Anonymous: What's with all the flowers?
Overshare: The Asshat is trying to say he's sorry.
Anonymous: With carnations?
Overshare: Yep. Asshat.
Anonymous: What did he do now?
Overshare, obviously gearing up for a great story: You know how I was out of town this weekend, visiting my parents?
Anonymous: Yeah...
Overshare: Well, my roommate-- the ugly one? Remember her?-- went out dancing Saturday night, at Skank Bar.
Anonymous: Uhoh.
Overshare: And apparently, CTF didn't have to work like he said he did, which is the excuse he gave me for not coming home to meet my parents...
Anonymous: So he's sending flowers because he lied about being at work?
Overshare: Nope. He was at Skank Bar, drinking.
Anonymous: Uhoh.
Overshare: Not only was he drinking, but he hit on my roommate. The ugly one.
Anonymous: He did what?
Overshare: He hit on my ugly roommate. Was feeling her up and stuff and when she told him to stop because he was with me, he said "What Overshare doesn't know, won't hurt her... plus, I have needs."
Anonymous: Buh?
Overshare: Like I wouldn't have taken care of his needs at my parents' house!
At this point, I'm thinking: Please-- someone stab out my eye. And then it just got plain weird.
Overshare: Hence, the flowers... it's like he thinks he's Michael Jackson or something.
Later, I would devote much time to that last sentence, pondering its meaning. Never did come up with an answer.
posted by Anonymous Coworker @ 9:30 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Guess she's trying to tell us that Asshat is a Pedophile? i LOVE love love your blog!
So Funny! I'm really enjoying this.
Michael Jackson was almost a felon? He is a felon? MJ is odd and so is CTF? MJ is known for sending carnations?
I don't know, I'm doing my best English major analysis and trying to make something out of nothing, but I must be losing my touch.
Blink. Blink, blink. Great day in the morning! Needs? :-S *shudder*
The funniest part for me is that the thing she sounds the most upset about is not that CTF was hitting on someone else (let's face it, she should be used to that by now), it's that CTF was hitting on someone else who is ugly.
Here's my stab at the Jacko reference - maybe her ugly roommate looks like a young boy. I've been to Skank Bar a few times in my life now, and I must say, there are lots of people's roommates there, and most of them are ugly. Although none of them look like young boys. So maybe that's not it.
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