Define "Promotion"

Overshare: I’m getting a promotion.
Anonymous: You are??
Overshare: Yep.
Anonymous: Wow. Congratulations.
Overshare: Well, technically I haven’t gotten it yet.
Anonymous: What do you mean?
Overshare: Well, I applied for the new position they created in Separate Department.
Anonymous: I didn’t realize you were interested in doing what Separate Department does.
Overshare: Oh, well… I’m not really. [Giggles.] I just don’t want to work for Tyrannical Sorority Sister anymore.

Separate Department is a highly specialized area of my company. It’s hard to explain without giving away some of my oh-so-precious anonymity, so I’ll just leave it at: it takes a very, very particular type of person to fulfill the job function. Some of the requisite character traits include: class, sophistication, and diplomacy.

Notice that “trashy”, “crude”, or “talks too much” are not on that list.

The absolute best part of this career change that Overshare is endeavoring to make is Separate Department’s boss. She is the antithesis of TSS. I shall call her Ultimate Class.

Ultimate Class is this incredibly refined, polished, elegant older woman, who has been doing her job for a QUARTER CENTURY. That is not a typo. 25 years.

Now while Separate Department is, as the name indicates, separate from my department we often find ourselves working very closely together. As such, Separate Department’s workers are often invited to my department’s social events, such as birthdays, happy hours, etc. At one such event, Ultimate Class achieved what I think all of Overshare’s victims hope to one day achieve: silencing her, while managing to both convey the inappropriateness of her chosen subject matter and maintaining her high level of class. The conversation went something like this:

[Scene: 20ish coworkers are all jammed into a little office for a surprise birthday rendezvous, complete with cake. Everyone is talking and laughing.]
Overshare, talking loudly in an attempt to be heard over the crowd: So last night, CTF and I tried this new toy…
Ultimate Class: Overshare, how did you like the movie I saw you at the other night?
Overshare: It was ok… but this new toy…
Ultimate Class, softly: Shhh. We don’t need to know.

I had to leave the office because I was completely incapable of reining in a belly laugh at the look on Overshare’s face.

So now, Overshare is attempting to work directly for Ultimate Class. We all know this is only going to happen if God himself steps down and fills out the HR paperwork.

Anonymous: Have you been told when your interview will be?
Overshare: Why would they need to interview me? I could start next week!