Does that say "Coach" or "Couch"?

Just a little note: I'm going to be gone over Thanksgiving-- expect a new post late next week.

There are times when, believe it or not, I only hear of an Overshare second-hand.

It would seem that all evidence is to the contrary, I know, but it's true. There are some things that Overshare simply elects to not tell me, and in those situations I usually find out about them through other sources. Often times in these circumstances, I will know that there is something that is being withheld from me, because I will hear her oversharing in the office next to mine, or talking loudly from her workspace, etc., but for some reason that I've yet to determine (It's over my head? She thinks I'm sick of hearing about it? Who knows?) she just chooses not to share particular stories with me.

[Witty Comeback: See, I always thought that she wouldn't tell you certain things in one of her bizarre attempts to make you jealous--like withholding sex from CTF while he was sleeping with Swedish Nanny, or something.]

One instance of this is actually one of my favorite stories, but to tell it properly I had to call upon my good friend Witty to recreate the scene for us.
In order to really appreciate this entry, we must first have a little background on Witty Comeback. She's a fashionista, hard-core. She can spot fake jewelry at fifty paces. She can walk a mile in four-inch heels and smile while doing it. She may have even coined the phrase, "It doesn't match; it goes."

Keep this in mind, because it makes this Much. More. Hysterical. What follows is Witty Comeback’s account of the infamous Coach Bag Incident, with just a few interjections of my own, because I can’t resist.

Overshare: Hey, Witty Comeback, look at what CTF bought for me!

Overshare holds up a very brightly colored handbag, covered in multi-colored Coach logos. It looked sort of like this one, but the handles were green.

[Anonymous: Maybe it’s just me, but I kind-of, sort-of hate that bag. Maybe it’s the association I have with Overshare’s purse now, I don’t know.]

Witty Comeback: Wow. Nice! Lemme see.
Overshare: Well, you can look, but you can't touch.

She walks over with the bag and, true to her word, holds it up for me to see but won't let me touch it. There was something...off...about that. And about the bag itself.

Overshare: CTF and I were in the Coach store on Saturday, and I was looking at this bag and I really liked it, and the saleswoman was really trying to sell me on it, but I mean, I wasn't going to buy it. So then CTF told me to go wait outside the store while he talked to the lady.
Witty Comeback: Come on, just lemme see.
Overshare: No, it's mine.

Like I was going to steal her toy. In the office.

Overshare: So then CTF came back outside and gave me the bag!
Witty Comeback, who owns several Coach bags herself: I just want to see how heavy it is. They're always heavy.
Overshare, handing over a bag crammed with stuff: Ok, but just for a second.

She puts the handles in my hand for less than 30 seconds, just long enough for me to heft it, but not long enough to bring up my other hand to touch it. Brief, to be sure, but I am an expert and that was NOT real leather those handles were made of.

Witty Comeback: Yeah, it's heavy.
Overshare: I wonder how much it was. I'm going to go online and look.

[Anonymous, interjecting: Wasn’t she IN the store with CTF, being harangued by the salesperson to buy it? Is she trying to say that she didn’t look at the price tag? Who does that? And does she think CTF used his masculine wiles to score a good deal? If so, how the heck would the Internet be able to tell her what he paid? Color me confused. Now back to Witty Comeback.]

So, of course, I turn around and go straight back to my desk to look myself. Because if there's one thing I know, it's that the manufacturers of fake bags often change just enough details of their bags not to get sued. And sure enough, the website delivered. Coach was selling that style bag, and it was selling bags in that color palette, but they weren't selling that particular bag in that particular color. So it was fake. Really curious to see what Overshare's reaction would be, I went into her office. I didn't say a word.

Overshare, looking online: They must not have it in stock anymore. But the other ones like this are $320. Wow. I can't believe he spent that much money on me.

Now, there's no way that she didn't know the bag was fake. Otherwise, she would have let me touch it. So I went into Anonymous Coworker’s office to discuss it, incredulous and trying to imagine....

Witty Comeback: Where did the lie begin? Did they go to the store, then walk down the street and buy the fake together? Did he just buy her the fake on the street and then she made up the story about going to the store to try to authenticate the bag to us? Did he give her the bag and try to pass it off as real? Why? I own real bags AND fakes, and I'll tell you which is which. Why the lying?
Anonymous: That's so weird. Just plain ODD.
Witty Comeback: And why, WHY if she knew the bag was fake, which she clearly did, did she practically instruct me to go check the website?
Anonymous: She must have wanted you to see the prices.
Witty Comeback: Oh my, she hadn't been to the website herself, and she thought it was such a good fake that the website would back her up! She is totally going to spend the next week talking about this bag and repeating the story just to convince me that it's real.

And sure enough, that's what she did. That bag didn't leave her side for days. She placed it prominently on a chair just inside the door of her office. She even took it to meetings. Within the building. It was unreal.

[Anonymous, interjecting again: I remember seeing her carry around that purse everywhere, and especially loved all the times when she'd set it on the conference table at meetings. Everyone else? We all had pads of papers, a cell phone here or there. And she never, not once, told me the story. To this day. She told everyone else (and that is not an exaggeration) but me. Nope. I get to hear about the consistency of poop, about sexual techniques, about Swedish Nanny, about everything else. But no Coach purse.]

We still didn't know what started the whole charade to begin with. But we were going to find out!