Toolshed + Bluegrass= Crappy Band

Toolshed is in a band. I know this because he tells us all the time. Overshare is his band's #1 fan/groupie. She's always trying to get all of Toolshed's coworkers to go out to the seedy bar that his band plays at all the time.

I could handle all of this with a polite "I'm busy" in most circumstances. I mean, really... in the light of how crazy my coworkers can be (Climbing into computer boxes? Dating pedophiles? Foodgasms?) one of them being in a Crappy Band isn't that big of a deal. Should be like water on a duck's back. Except for the Freaking List Serve.

Yep, I said it. List Serve.

Now, I understand the need for a device to notify your entire fan base of your Crappy Band's appearances. I'm not ignorant of the fact that it's a very effective way of communicating for bands that people wouldn't normally search out to see as one would, say, U2. But it's always been my understanding that a list serve should be a voluntary thing. Like "Hey, I'm in a bar and Crappy Band is playing and for some reason I don't mind them too much. Maybe I'll join their list serve so I can know when and where they're playing next."

I never signed up for Toolshed's Crappy Band's list serve. No. I'm there merely because I'm his coworker. And there is NO UNSUBSCRIBE FEATURE. Once or twice a week a freaking Tooly McToolerson email shows up in my work email, always badly written, to tell me to come out and see Toolshed in all his Tooly Glory.

The straw that broke the camel's back came today. I'm posting the email beause I just. Can't. Take it. Anymore.

Some of you may notice the religious undertones. Compliments Oh-My-God-I-Loved-It's religion conversation so well, wouldn't you say?

Here's the email, edited slightly so as not to give away the location or the band.

If that doesn't hold sway and you need another reason to head out, consider this: Tax Day. Either you are getting a refund and need something to spend it on (how about a band, great food, cheap drinks, and a cab ride home?) or you have to pay THE MAN and are hankering for some throw-down, slack-jaw, out-house blues to cure what ails ya'!

Still not convinced? OK, how about you're a Christian and need to get some good sinning in before you are forgiven on Sunday morning at Easter Mass -- or better yet, if you have as good a time as you always do you'll likely end up close to dead (from sheer joy, or alcohol poisoning) -- and you can get resurrected with the rest of the world by eating hard-boiled eggs, chocolate bunnies, and marshmallow peeps (hard or soft? you decide).

Last try for the Jews among us: You need a reason to escape the madness of your Matzo-castle and make an Exodus to celebrate your freedom at [the Crappy Bar] (ouch, sorry, that's a tough pun).

Whatever the reason, you won't be disappointed in your decision to attend. See you Saturday!

I couldn't make this crap up if I tried.