Cupid Must Have Overslept

It’s Valentine’s Day. Ok, so no, not really. Not in real time. But in the Overshare-CTF timeline, it is.

I’m a little… biased, I guess when it comes to this particular holiday. I have always felt like it is over-the-top and excessive… but that may come from my high school experience. My high school took Valentine’s Day to the extreme. One might say it was excessive. (And by “one might” I mean, “one would”.) To give you an idea: my high school was set up in an “L” shape—one long hallway connected to a short, perpendicular hallway, by a hard-to-describe free space (which held our espresso stand.) Separating the halls from the “free space” were sets of doors. In preparation for Valentine’s Day, the janitors would REMOVE the doors.

Why, you ask?

Because how else were the girls supposed to get their GINORMOUS balloon bouquets, roses, and life-size stuffed animals from class to class?

I am not kidding. Oh how I wish I were.

By the time I was a senior, one day of Valentine’s was simply not enough… the doors would be removed for an entire week proceeding the actual day, because girls started getting deliveries all week long. An entire week of not being able to see the board or my teacher through the mass of red and pink helium balloons and an entire week of having class interrupted every ten minutes for a singing telegram from a man in an ape suit or a barbershop quartet.

The thing that always drove me crazy the most though was the fact that these girls simply did not care who their boyfriend was… if he hit her, or cheated on her, dealt drugs, or simply sat around like a lump on a log, none of it mattered as long as she got the largest balloon bouquet, a tiara, a quadrazillion roses or a pony and got to make the other girls jealous.

Appropriately horrified? Try being the ugly duckling or late bloomer in this crowd. It’s not fun; I speak from experience. But looking back on it, high school has actually done more to prepare me for working with Overshare than anything else.

Overshare, singing: It’s Valentine’s Day!!
Anonymous: Yes, yes it is.
Overshare: Is your boyfriend doing anything for you?
Anonymous, confused: I don’t have a boyfriend.
Overshare, giddily: Oh, that’s right. You don’t!
Anonymous, irritated: You don’t either, if I recall.
Overshare: Oh, well, I have someone who’s as good as one.
Anonymous: Right.
Overshare: CTF is coming to take me to lunch! And he’s already sent flowers!
Anonymous, snickering to herself: Carnations again?
Overshare: Nooooo. Roses. Six of ‘em.
Anonymous: Nice.
Overshare: Isn’t he?
Anonymous: When is he coming?
Overshare: Around 1.

Later, Overshare came back into my office. It was 2pm.

Anonymous: Back so soon?
Overshare: Huh?
Anonymous: I thought CTF was taking you to lunch.
Overshare: He hasn’t come yet.

3pm.

Overshare: I can’t believe he’s not here yet.

4pm.
Overshare: I can’t believe he’s not here yet.

4:30pm.
Overshare: [seething]

5pm.
Overshare: He’s not coming.
Anonymous: What?
Overshare: He’s. Not. Coming.
Anonymous: Why?
Overshare: He’s at work now.
Anonymous: Oh.
Overshare: I’m pissed.
Anonymous: I can see why.
Overshare: He didn’t even call!
Anonymous: He definitely should have called.
Overshare: Oh well, it’s not like you got flowers, is it?