A Cautionary Tale for the Holidays

Overshare: Oh My God.
Anonymous: What?
Overshare: CTF was ARRESTED!
Anonymous: Wait, recently?

For this, she glared at me. Heck, I thought it was a legitimate question. Maybe she was just coming to the realization that the guy she wasn’t dating but most definitely sleeping with had once been arrested. And not a funny ha-ha kind of arrested but for real and for serious ARRESTED. For doing BAD THINGS.

Overshare: This weekend! When we were out of town!
Anonymous: What happened?
Overshare: Well, a bunch of us were all hanging out in this park across from the bar we had just left, and it was like two in the morning. Well, this cop comes up to us and starts harassing us. And CTF just wasn’t having it, especially because the cop was totally getting in CTF’s face. For no reason. So CTF started talking back, and the cop got really angry, so he threatened to arrest CTF. And that’s when he noticed his belt buckle.

She said that last sentence so non-chalantly. "And that’s when he noticed his belt buckle." Like that’s a completely normal thing for a police officer to notice, or like I obviously had a thorough knowledge of CTF’s belts, which I’ll tell you, I don’t. Nor will I, ever.

Anonymous: His belt buckle?
Overshare: Yeah.
Anonymous: What was wrong with his belt buckle?
Overshare: Nothing was wrong with it. It was a flask.

You heard it here first, folks. A belt buckle FLASK. And ps-- that is something so-very-wrong with his belt buckle.

When I heard this story, I was insanely curious and before she was even fully out of the door I was on Google, checking it out. Oh yes, my friends. These things exist. Simply typing belt buckle flask into Google returns 135,000 pages. 135,000 pages! I thought I’d show you some potential flasks, just for the heck of it.

There’s the oh-so-cool Iron Cross Belt-Buckle Flask:



The obligatory Scarface Belt-Buckle Flask:


And the Rhinestone Belt-Buckle Flask (particularly recommended for Rhinestone Cowboys):


The "Trucker Babe" Belt Flask:


And my own personal favorite, the Che Guevera belt flask:


Because nothing says "Marxist Revolutionary" quite like having Che's face on your belt-buckle flask.

Overshare: So the cop, what as asshole he was, totally arrested CTF for having an open container! Even though the flask was empty!

Anyone out there believe that CTF was sporting a belt-buckle flask that was EMPTY? Anyone? Anyone?

Overshare: So he had to spend the night in jail, and I had to bail him out in the morning. I can't believe my life sometimes. Now, he might totally get his probation revoked because some crazy cop decided to arrest him for no reason!
Anonymous: Wow.

Well, maybe CTF will get lucky and the guy standing next to him in the jail cell will have a belt buckle like this: