Define "Stupid Reason"

Hmmm.... so apparently, you all noticed that I hadn't posted in, say, forever. Guess that means I should say something about it.

I think I've been dealing with a little bit of empathy for poor old Overshare. Got a little too close to my subject, and lost a little perspective on just how WHACK she is. Never fear, dear readers... I've regained that perspective. Hence, I'm back. Turns out I just needed a good conversation with Witty Comeback about the Crazy, and the muse returned.

Lots of you have asked about the birthday party mentioned a couple of posts ago, for which Overshare purchased all the jello. I didn't attend. No, luckily, I had a family friend come into town that weekend and was thus spared the horror. I DID get to hear all about it. Or at least, I got to hear the interesting part.

Overshare: So, I think I need to move out of my apartment with Wyoming.
Anonymous: Why?
Overshare: Well, after that party this weekend... Wyoming has forbidden CTF from coming over!
Anonymous: Oh, dear... what did he do?
Overshare: WHY DOES EVERYONE ASSUME HE DID SOMETHING?
Anonymous: Er... because it doesn't make much sense for Wyoming to forbid him from coming over without having done something?
Overshare: Whatever. She's crazy.
Anonymous: She really did it without any reason at all?
Overshare: Well, she has a stupid reason. But that's it. A STUPID REASON.
Anonymous: What's the stupid reason?
Overshare: He peed on the carpet.
Anonymous: [silence.]
Overshare: In the living room.
Anonymous: [silence.]
Overshare: With everyone still there.
Anonymous: [silence.]
Overshare: But he was REALLY drunk!

Those must have been some AWESOME jello shots.

New "Ass"istant

One afternoon, Overshare and Toolshed ran into my office.

Overshare and Toolshed, in unison: Guess what?? We’re having a baby!!

This statement gave me a mini-heart attack. And then subsequently gave me an incredibly strong urge to stab out my own eyes. It’s not a pretty mind-picture to have, these two procreating, much less with each other.

But by this point, I’ve grown quite accustomed to Overshare’s random utterances that are meant to shock me into asking for clarification. So I just sat and looked at the two of them, waiting for the inevitable explanation.

Overshare and Toolshed, in unison again: We hired our new assistant!!

Yes, Dear Readers, I’m pleased to present to you Overshare and Toolshed’s new mutual assistant, Pompous McLaterson IV. Despite how real that name sounds, I promise, I made it up. And in order to get the job, you might remember, he must have spoken only in phrases at his interview.

Pompous McLaterson IV started the very next day. Apparently, he’s been unemployed for a while and is eager to start. He is a nice-enough guy, if slightly pompous... but only in that freshly-graduated "I'm going to change the world by the sheer force of my will and brilliance" naive way. Unfortunately for him, hell, unfortunately for us all, it didn’t take long for the oddities to begin.

At one point on his first day, Overshare was in my office (oversharing of course) when Pompous came in with a question. Quite normal for a new employee to have a question for his supervisor on his first day. He asked, she answered, he left.

He wasn’t two steps away from my door when it all began.

Overshare, loudly: Isn’t he so odd-looking?
Anonymous: What?
Overshare: Pompous! He’s just… ODD-looking.

It should be noted that Pompous was in NO WAY odd-looking. In fact, he was rather attractive.

Anonymous: I wouldn’t classify it as Odd, per se.
Overshare: Oh, it’s ODD. Something about his face.
Anonymous: What about his face?
Overshare: It’s ODD.

And that's it. That's all she'd say. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh DEAR. Overshare calling him “odd-looking” really had only one meaning. She thought he was attractive, and wanted someone else to say it first. When I refused to say it, she walked all around the office, polling everyone as to whether they felt Pompous was, in fact, as odd-looking as she had deemed.

There is NO WAY IN HELL this is going to end well.