Six Pack Pride

Overshare: How was your weekend, Anonymous?
Anonymous: Fine. I went shopping, watched a movie. No big deal. What about you?
Overshare: CTF and I went to the beach.
Anonymous: That sounds fun.
Overshare: Yeah, we had a great time. And I was so proud of CTF-- we didn't drink all weekend and he never complained.
Anonymous: Hmmm.
Overshare: Yeah, we just had a six pack on the boardwalk and danced all weekend.
Anonymous: I thought you said you didn't drink all weekend.
Overshare: Oh well, a six pack is like water to CTF.
Anonymous: I bet.
Overshare: It was really important to me to know that he could go a whole weekend without drinking. I was starting to worry he was an alcoholic!
Anonymous: Well, I think it's safe to say there's no doubt about it now.
Overshare: For sure!

CTF Drama

Anonymous: Hey, Overshare... did you decide to go to CTF's court appearance? What happened with all of that?
Overshare: Err....

I am confunded. Confused. Flabbergasted. Obviously something has happened... and I haven't heard about it. It must be huge.

Overshare: Well... you see... well... one second.

Overshare shuts the door. I start to rethink whether or not I really want to know what she's about to share. Too late now though.

Overshare: Well, he didn't beat a man into a coma after all.
Anonymous: So the charges were dropped?
Overshare: Not exactly.
Anonymous: So....
Overshare: Well, he didn't exactly tell me the truth.
Anonymous, pretending to be shocked: Really?
Overshare: No. He was actually charged with sexual abuse.
Anonymous: *chokes*
Overshare: Don't overreact... it's not that bad or anything. It's not his fault. I haven't told anyone because I don't want everyone to get upset with him.
Anonymous: What happened?
Overshare: Well, he was dating this girl who told him she was 18.

Oh dear.

Anonymous: Let me guess... she wasn't?
Overshare: No. And her parents found out and now they're pressing statutory rape charges against him.
Anonymous, who can't believe she actually knows someone who belongs on Jerry Springer: So she was under 15.
Overshare: No. She was 17.
Anonymous: No, she was under 15. Otherwise it wouldn't be statutory rape.
Overshare: What do you mean?
Anonymous: Well, in the state that CTF lives in the age of consent is 15. If she were older than that, her parents couldn't press charges.
Overshare: Oh. Well, she still lied about her age.
Anonymous: He's still 34, right?
Overshare: Yeah.
Anonymous: Did he forget his own age?
Overshare: What do you mean?
Anonymous: What was a 34 year old man doing sleeping with an 18 year old anyway?
Overshare: Well, he said he was 25.
Anonymous, sarcastically: Oh, well, then that's ok.

Chicken Pesto Stromboli

I have no idea if anyone is still reading this.... I've been gone a long time. Holidays, yknow? So, as an apology... I'll hold off on telling the sad CTF story and give you this piece of Overshare fluff:

There's this place by my work that makes the World's Best Chicken Pesto Stromboli. Seriously-- they're riot-inducing. I've seen old women nearly come to blows over the last one.

One day, I'm sitting in my office with the CP Stromboli, getting ready to start my lunch when Overshare walks by.

Overshare: Mmmmmmmmm.
Anonymous, hoping to cut her off at the pass: Chicken Pesto Stromboli.
Overshare: Mmmmmmm!!!!!! Oooooohhhhhhhhh.
Anonymous: They had five more left, if you wanted to go get one.
Overshare, hands in her hair: Mmmm. Aren't they the Best. Thing. You've. Everrrrrrr. Taaaasted?
Anonymous, pissed off that Overshare is about to ruin her appetite: Yep.
Overshare: You're soooo lucky. MMMM!!!!! MMMMM!!!!

Foodgasm apparently complete, Overshare walks away.

Anonymous, pushing stromboli away: Bitch.