Boss Man's Last Known Joke

The scene: our whole department is sitting in a conference room, trying to stay awake during a particularly boring meeting. And let me tell you, in order for one of our meetings to stick out in your memory because it was boring means that it was on a level of mundane thus far unbeknown to man. Add that to the fact that Boss Man had scheduled this particular meeting very, very close to Close of Business on a Friday, and you can see why the staff may have been a bit more perturbed at attending a boring meeting than usual.

And that leads me to say, with a small amount of sincerity: Thank God for Overshare.

Boss Man: And so... blah blah blah... blah blahtery blah.... and that should about wrap things up.
Group: [half of group wakes up, other half releases a collective relieved sigh]
Boss Man: Anyone else have anything they need to talk about or ask?
Group: [shoot Dagger Glares around the table, half-daring anyone to speak up and prolong the meeting]
Boss Man: No? Nothing?
New Colleague, Recently Relocated: I was just wondering... [group hastens to aim their Dagger Glares at her, she withers slightly] do we ever meet for dinners or anything, you know, off-site? To talk about strategy? Get to know each other?
Group: [grumbles]
Boss Man: Err... not really.
NC,RR: Oh. Well, maybe we should start.
Group: [collective sigh, everyone checks watches, rolls eyes]
Boss Man: Well... [decides a very, very rare attempt at a joke might break the tension] Overshare has a whole list of nightspots in her repertoire. Maybe she's willing to share.
Group: [Laughs nervously]
Overshare: I don't know what you're talking about, Boss Man!
Boss Man: I just thought that with your extensive social life...
Overshare, offended: I have no social life! I'm too busy keeping CTF out of jail!

Ok... how out of control does your Oversharing have to be for your BOSS to label your social life "extensive?" I would have died of embarrassment, and that Keeping My Boyfriend Out of Jail excuse? Yeah, I would have kept that to myself.

Just, Please, Keep The Piercings To Yourself

Every once in a while, my section of the company will have a meeting where some of the higher ups come in and talk about their section of the company, what they’re doing currently, what they’re planning, etc.

You know how sometimes before these things, while you are waiting for everyone to show up, there’s that random downtime that people usually fill with chatter about sports, or projects, or, you know, normal things? Imagine the chitchat that happens when you work with Overshare. Now imagine Overshare’s chitchat with a higher up in the room.

Actually, you don’t have to because I was there to experience it.

Overshare: Boss Man, do you have any tattoos?
Boss Man: No.
Overshare: What about you, Incredibly Important Uppity Up?
Incredibly Important Uppity Up: No.
Overshare: Oh. Wanna see mine?
IIUU, Boss Man simultaneously: No!
Overshare: Oh, it's no big deal... just a small tattoo.
Boss Man: We should get started.
Overshare: Oh, just take a quick look. [Pulls the back waistband of her pants down, shows tattoo the size of a half-dollar to the group.] Like it?
IIUU, dismissively: Couldn't see it, really.
Overshare: Oh. One sec. [Gets up, moves to stand in front of IIUU, does it again.] Like it?
IIUU: Interesting.

[Complete Silence in the room.]

IIUU: Let’s just get started, shall we?

Staff Meetings

In a staff meeting this week, we were discussing potential themes for a future formal event. We decided to center the event around a city/country... Ideas were thrown around, everyone talking at once....

Witty Comeback: A tropical country could be fun... and there are several caterers in the area specializing in tropical fuzion type of things...
Department Head: Or we've been looking to target [certain CEO of large foreign company] so maybe this would be a good way to get him interested.
Sub-Department Head: Well, we just recently did a party with that theme... our demographic may remember. How about a Scandinavian country? We haven't done something like that in quite a while...
Overshare: Ooo! Ooo! I know! I know!
Witty Comeback: Or maybe we could...
Overshare: I said I know!!
Witty Comeback, under her breath: Oh dear Lord.
Overshare, straight faced: The Nether Regions!

[Complete and Total Silence. From all 16 people in the room. There are just no words.]

Overshare, embarrassed now: Ha ha.... [voice trails off a bit as she realizes people don't think it's funny] get it? The Netherlands? Nether Regions?

[Silence.]

Toolshed, very, very quietly: Ha ha. Nether Regions.